This site uses cookies to improve your experience and to provide services and advertising.
By continuing to browse, you agree to the use of cookies described in our Cookies Policy.
You may change your settings at any time but this may impact on the functionality of the site.
To learn more see our
Cookies Policy.
Download our app
15 ridiculous things Gwyneth Paltrow wants you to buy for Christmas
AP / Press Association Images AP / Press Association Images / Press Association Images
WE’RE ALL AWARE that Gwyneth Paltrow operates on an, erm, different plane to most people. Nothing proves that more than the gift guide her website, Goop, put together for the 2015 holiday season.
“Whether you want to spend $8 or $8000,” she says, “we’ve rounded up some of the most stunning and appealing gift options around.”
They’re stunning alright. But probably not for the reasons she envisioned.
1. World View Exploration at the Edge of Space, $90,000
Neiman Marcus Neiman Marcus
From Goop:
We don’t know how it works either, but we’re TERRIFIED.
2. Fire starter kit, $16
Kaufmann Mercantile Kaufmann Mercantile
This one is perfect for an office Secret Santa present, says Goop. Just imagine the looks on your colleagues’ faces when you offer them a €14 bag of sticks.
3. ‘Consciously uncoupled’ key ring, $15
Various Keytags Various Keytags
OK, we kind of love her for this. You win this round, Gwyn.
4. Toilet paper, $956
Joseph's Toiletries Joseph's Toiletries
…Aaaand we’re back to where we started. Gwyneth. We need to have words.
5. A toothpaste squeezer, $244
Wallpaper Wallpaper
Designed to help you save money on toothpaste. The irony.
6. Vintage ball and chain, $1,500
Blackman Cruz Blackman Cruz
To give to your spouse! Because, you know! LOL at my thousand-dollar gag gift, spouse!
7. Porcelain sea sponge things, $225
J Schatz J Schatz
We were honestly at a loss here until we realised it is ART. OK, then.
8. A vagina steamer seat, $55
Vibrant Souls Vibrant Souls
OK, so it’s not the most ridiculous thing cost-wise, but try telling your girlfriend on Christmas morning that Gwyneth Paltrow recommends she steam-clean her vagina.
9. Gilded playing cards, $2,300
Just One Eye Just One Eye
Your game of Kings just got fancy.
10. Himalayan rock salt and grater set, $29.95
CB2 CB2
Not a jury in the land would convict you for decking someone with a salt grater.
11. ‘Graphite horse’, $63
Batle Studio Batle Studio
This is a pencil, and we clearly know nothing about the world.
12. A ‘survival kit’, $12,500
Just One Eye Just One Eye
Containing night vision goggles, a satellite phone, and enough food and water to last two weeks. Is Gwyn trying to tell us something? Is the apocalypse imminent?
13. This jellyfish tank, $1,621
Darwin Sect Darwin Sect
Unhelpfully, Goop does not know where to get the jellyfish.
14. ‘Post-poo drops‘, $29
Aesop Aesop
“Dear loved one, your poos are smelly. This should sort you out. Happy Christmas!”
15. And these 18-carat gold dumbbells, $125,000
Moda Operandi Moda Operandi
Nah. We’re done.
Strabane is really getting into the Christmas spirit (NSFW)>
10 very real winter coat struggles we can all relate to>
To embed this post, copy the code below on your site
Christmas Gift Guide GOOP Gwyneth Paltrow ridiculous gifts